When Deep Personal Reflection Becomes Toxic, What Do You Do?
Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do. -St. Pope John XXIII
This quote that is widely attributed to Saint Pope John XXIII is often cut off too short. The expanded version goes:
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do."
I feel that with a quote like that, Saint Pope John XXIII would have been a great life coach. As a shepherd for the Catholic people, his words must have been uplifting to all who read or heard his words. It is a great reminder for all of us, because I think many of us take our reflections one step too far and we find ourselves in a miserable state, trying to figure out what went wrong or why things happened the way they did. We get stuck, and for me, I often get stuck.
While reflecting on past events to improve future outcomes is a great thing to do, we all have to understand when enough is enough. I am often reminded - and if you've read this blog long enough, you've been reminded too - that the good things in life are only good in moderation. We must temper our reflections and inner criticisms with positive thoughts that allow us to move forward.
Similarly, as Catholics, one of the greatest gifts we have in this world is the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This Sacrament should be used as often as practical, and the first step of making a good confession is to Examine Your Conscience. We reflect on our sins to make a good confession. We relieve our sorrows and our regrets with the help of the priests who remind us that Jesus wants to forgive us and free us from our sins.
For some people, this is easier said than done, right? I know that I have a tendency to reflect on things too much, so far as to say it's a toxic mindset. The single best answer to this is to simply pray. If we seek out Christ, He will be with us. After all, he said "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." -Matthew 11:28-30
Good thing for you, I like to present alternatives to problems. If you are not in a praying mood, but rather in a problem-solving mindset, here are the few things I would suggest:
Talk to someone about it. I often find that having a sounding board helps me think through things, even if they are only there to listen. If they are able to suggest solutions, even better.
Clear your mind. If prayer is what does it for you, so be it, but going for a walk or doing an activity where you change your scenery will often help you clear your mind.
Relieve the stress. Do an activity that brings you JOY. Lighten the load by lifting yourself up through the things you enjoy doing.
Saint Pope John XXIII was abundantly clear that we should be focusing on the great potential in our future instead of beating ourselves up because of our failures. We should be keeping our hopes and dreams in mind and think about the possibilities of our future. Think of all the potential we have! Let's learn from the lessons life presents us, harness a positive mindself, and carry on.
Faithfully yours,
Khang
P.S. Do you have any strategies for cleansing a toxic mindset? What good habits do you have to combat them? Please share with us at faithandfi@gmail.com!