A Wallet Full of Money; A House Full of Strangers.

When we learn how to do something, we often find that seeing it done wrong is a great lesson in and of itself. I've talked about the pursuit of financial independence (FI) and the route Ms. C and I have decided to go down. I've talked about some of our strategies. I've hinted at our philosophies surrounding those strategies. Now I want to take some time to talk about what NOT to do when pursuing FI. I hope that this foresight will lead us down the right path as a married couple and into parenthood, and I sincerely hope you'll join us in this thought exercise.

Ms. C and I have talked about some concepts that are near and dear to our hearts: retiring early to spend time with our families, doing our side hustles only if we're happy while doing them, and trying to travel and enjoy it while we can.

At the core of those 3 things are the thoughts of living fulfilling lives. It's the desire for freedom, for happiness and joy, and ultimately a sense of accomplishment. To do those things, we need to balance our jobs and side hustles with our giving - our time, talents, and treasures. That is, giving to one another and to our communities - namely, our church.

For us, there's no point in making money if you're not happy in spending it and enjoying it when you're still healthy, with the people you love. Recently, I was reminded of Mark 8:36 - What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? That philosophy is the backbone of how we have decided to pursue financial independence. We get to choose - do we focus on accumulating worldly possessions, or find a good balance in sharing our time, talents, and treasures; do we choose to forfeit that balance with the greedy pursuit of money?

Ms. C and I are hoping to find a good balance in all of this - it's important for us to know when we are content - when we have "enough" to be happy. We want to understand what is enough so that we don't pursue excess. We must learn to be content - and learning that lesson does not always come easy. After all, greed a very strong motivator. It's a constant battle, but we are expected to always fight it and win.

So here's the trap: A desire to work hard and pursue more money or other prideful things. We've seen all too often the results of working too hard. There have been books written about it, show and movies that allude to it, and maybe our own painful experiences of it in our own families remind us of it:

The breadwinner in the family is expected to work hard to provide for the family. It's hard on the spouse and kids, and the stress of it all makes those breadwinners less effective. The relationships crumble and the family is slowly torn apart.

Now that we know what the trap is, we are guaranteed to avoid it, right? Right?! Absolutely not. Somewhere between "I've got to work to provide the bare minimum" and "I've got what I need but I want more" we find ourselves lost in the hard work. That's where the battles of greed are waged. When people pull themselves up by the bootstraps, it's hard to focus on the balance of life - there is only one thought: survival. That is understandable - I've been there. My family has been there when I was growing up. But we pushed through.

But what about after that? When things have smoothed out, do we choose to inflate our lifestyles to keep up with those around us or do we keep on living a humble life so we can save the rest, or better yet, give to the church? When we have what we need, our minds shift to what we want. This is the distinction I want us to talk about. This desire for more threatens to shift the balance of a healthy lifestyle, and ultimately, a healthy family. I'm not here to talk about how to make a family perfect. I want us to focus on ourselves - on what we can control. We can control our spending. We can control the fact that cooking big batches of food (intentionally having left-overs) is much cheaper than going out to eat. We can control where we buy our clothes and what brands we buy. We can control what car we drive. We can control (for the most part) where we live. We can control who we surround ourselves with. We can control how much time we want to give to our communities and our churches. We can control those things and so much more. There are very few good reasons for inflating our lifestyles after we have met our needs. We need to identify when we've met those needs and when we're heading into wants.

Ms. C and I are fortunate enough to be in that position where we have our needs covered. We are secure with our jobs that make decent money that allow us to go home consistently in the evenings. We continue to talk about these things and we are hashing them out. It's important to us that we keep those conversations going. For us, the constant communication is key. We are continuing our battles with our wants in life, but I think we're winning.

Here's what I think about when I think of our future together: There will likely be one breadwinner (whether it be Ms. C or myself, it does not matter) and that person will have the lion's share of making the money to support the family. But there is also an additional duty to support the spouse in all the other family activities. To do so, the breadwinner must have the energy and willingness to do so. To have the energy, it means pulling away from so much work, or finding a new job that pays what the family needs (if it means making less money), or figuring out a balance other ways. The other half of the equation is that the spouse needs to take the lion's share of the family activities with the additional duty of supporting the breadwinner when possible. That means the regular duties of house chores and child-rearing is a given, but a foundation should be set to where this person can choose to make money if they wish - a side hustle, if you will - and support the family in that way so the breadwinner does not have the pressure of always working. These options give the breadwinner the opportunities to come home to the family and understand the responsibilities of supporting the home life. On the flip side, these options also give the spouse the opportunity to pursue some financial gain that energizes them. Both have positive gains in the family dynamic with a great balance, and so neither should be strangers to one another in the family.

I'm not going to pretend to know how our family will fare in the future, but we've certainly set a good foundation for it. We've talked to each other about how much we need to live on and some of the things we can do without. We both have side hustles that are set on strong foundations (we've made some profit, so we're just having fun with it with very little pressure to make a ton of money). And we've opened up the possibility down the road (many years) to do it full-time if we get good enough at those side hustles. We continue to give our money to our parishes. We continue to give our time and talents to our parishes. We continue to talk about the balance. We continue to be intentional about all of this. I hope you will help us by keeping us humble and reminding us of this if you ever see us waver.

Again, What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? There is no profit for us when we die. Sure, the money we make and save can be passed on to our children, but at what cost? Were the endless hours at work and putting in the overtime worth the missed opportunities with your loved ones? I should hope not.

Ms. C and I have had plenty of conversations about what we want for our future. We sincerely hope we can avoid the pitfalls that so many others have fallen into. We pray that the Lord will guide us in our decision-making so that we can do good with the gifts he has given us.

Intentionally yours,

Mr. K

P.S. Between you and me, I'd love to be the stay-at-home dad if the opportunity is there :)